Homemaking is a calling, a blessing and an art. Raising a family and taking care of your home is NOT easy! Be kind to yourself.

The Home

Remember that the home is also where you “live”. Things are constantly changing. Things are being used. People sleep, eat and breathe at home. Most family members are home more than they are outside of it as a general rule. Your family enjoys life in the home. To do this, they must use the bathrooms, the kitchens, the bedrooms and relax and play in the living areas. They are living their lives in the home, and just daily living can cause frequent messes. Patience and hard work are what are required to keep a home in order. However, this is not just your job as homemaker or your only job. Your job as homemaker is also to teach, train and delegate.

Family

The homemaker with a family is not the only one living in the home. You share your home with your spouse, and/or your family, pets, as well as friends and visitors who visit. Everyone who lives in your home should be required to do their share. Even toddlers can help clean a room or dust furniture while wearing socks on their hands. Be creative! Don’t be a workhorse, but have them do their fair share.

A good rule of thumb when it comes to chores for children is that they should do as many main jobs as their age. So, if your child is 6, your child should have 6 things to do around the house. Don’t make all of them major- only 2. My rule is 2 major chores and other small ones to add to the child’s age. Major chores can include: dishes, folding a load of laundry, putting away folded laundry, vacuuming or sweeping…you get the idea. The smaller chores can include things such as: set the table, clean a window, water the front garden, pull 20 weeds, and wipe down a sink. Remember that children need patience and reminders. NEVER redo a chore that your child has done. If it is done satisfactory then leave it alone. If it is done in a sloppy and unacceptable manner then they need to redo their work and then have it re-inspected. In my home, if they have to redo it more than once then another chore is added. This encourages them to get it done the right way the first time.

Relax

There is a difference between a NASTY dirty house and a lived in, sometimes cluttered home. To be honest, some of the most comfortable home and enjoyable to be in are the ones that are NOT perfect. This includes small messes such as: toys left out from a day of play, or even laundry piled on the couch. People have to live; people have many things going on in their lives. Homes should not be like this on a regular basis and attempts should be made to clean up. Everyone has a bad week and sometimes you just can’t do everything. RELAX and give yourself a break. Be conscious about the fact that you are not perfect and everything does not have to be perfect! You have to live in your home. You don’t have to live in filth, but getting behind is acceptable and forgivable.

When it comes to doing your house cleaning and you get behind and overwhelmed, remember 70% done is better than doing nothing! I have been a geographically single mother many times over the years while my husband provides for the family as a US Soldier. With seven young children, I have been overworked, over-stressed, and at times have had a generally difficult time keeping up. I have adopted the motto: 70% is better than nothing. When it comes to things my kids have done or not done, or things that I cannot do perfectly, I remind myself of this motto often.

One day, I had a friend come over to the house while I was mopping the floor. I was stressing about my house being messy and the floor being so sticky and dirty. I had swept the floor that morning with the intention of mopping right afterwards, but many interruptions kept it from getting done. Situations like running errands, taking care of children, etc. Later in the afternoon, when all the chaos died down, I was able to get back to finishing the floor. I looked the floor over. It could have used a little more sweeping, but I just needed to get it mopped at this point so I could cook dinner and start the bedtime routine for the kids. As I mopped, I was beating myself up for the half done job. I had to keep reminding myself that 70% is better than nothing. It was at this point that my friend came over to visit. This friend watched me mop and push around a few crumbs here and there. I realized this person was probably wondering what was wrong with me and why I didn’t just stop and do it perfectly. Without my friend saying a word, I explained my motto. This friend then said, “I was wondering what you were doing, because you didn’t even sweep before you mopped!” I knew I had swept earlier, but that wasn’t important to me at that time. I knew what was important at the time and that was just to remove the stickiness from the floor. Strive to do your best, but if it just isn’t feasible at the moment, then do the best you can with the time and energy that you do have.

Ask for help, if you need it. Go out for a walk to clear your mind and you might find that it will help you feel more energetic and ready to work, or go to sleep and know that tomorrow is the day to start over. Homemakers have more responsibility than most people give them credit for. The home must be swept and clean, but do not become a slave to your home. As Margaret Mitchell’s protagonist Scarlett O’Hara said, “I’ll think of it tomorrow…. I can stand it then. After all, tomorrow is another day.”

Shiloah Baker is a homeschooling mother of seven living in North Carolina. She is the owner of a large homemaking website/business. Join us at The Homemaking Cottage Deluxe Edition for 817 ways to improve your home and family! http://www.homemaking-cottage.com/index.php/Deluxe-Edition/Registration/Registration.html And don’t forget to join our ezine for free ideas. http://www.homemaking-cottage.com/index.php/Homemaking-Cottage-Main/Ezine/Ezine.html

The “cost” of being Jewish in America today is staggering – day school or religious school, synagogue membership, kosher food, elaborate and expensive meals every Friday night and Saturday lunch… the list goes on. To make matters worse, funding sources that traditionally subsidized some of these expenses have all but disappeared.

One woman laments-”There’s nowhere left to cut. We’ve even been turning down invitations to weddings and bat mitzvahs, because we felt that we could give a more modest gift if we don’t attend. But my daughter’s friends are starting to become bat mitzvahed over the next year. In addition to the expenses we’re going to have for her event, we’ve got to come up with gifts for all the girls in her class. She won’t give up going, and we can’t send her with less than a $50 check.”

There’s not much to be done about the current economical situation, or about the high tuitions and cost of groceries. But there are creative solutions to cutting the cost of your Shabbat and holiday meals, your events, and even your gift giving.

Hosting Doesn’t Have to Include Brisket

The key to a Shabbat meal is to make it different, special. Think of your least costly menu and jazz it up in ways that won’t cost you. Start with the table cloth and place settings. Go all out with pieces that you already own-set each place with a water goblet and a wine glass, and even a mini Kiddush cup. Fold your cloth napkins in a flat rectangle in the center of each plate, slightly hanging off the table, and lay a single flower or a sprig of fresh herbs diagonally across. Use lots of silver, white, and clear class, and light a few tea lights around the dining room just before you light the Shabbat candles. Now back to your menu-let’s say you chose veggie lasagna. Cheap and lots of it, right? Now add a simple lettuce salad sprinkled with something a little more exotic-toasted pine nuts or pomegranate seeds. Add a tomato salad with sliced mozzarella and fresh basil leaves, and all you need is dessert. Whatever you prepare (or unwrap!), serve it in your nicest champagne glasses for instant panache. Your lasagna has just become your little black dress-instead of going from office to cocktail party, it’s gone from weekday to Shabbat-with just a few accessories.

Holidays can be trickier; the crowds are bigger and the meals are even more elaborate. And of course, the food traditions are even more important to uphold. The trick here is to try and make small amounts of several different dishes. For example, if you’d like to have an expensive roast for a main course, don’t try and make three of them and feed all thirty guests. Consider preparing one roast that could serve ten or twelve, add a more economical chicken dish for ten, and then a fish or vegetarian dish. Your mom will be happy that you served her roast, and everyone else will appreciate the variety and marvel at your wide repertoire of cooking skills.

Event Planning on a Budget

When planning a brit milah or baby naming, bar or bat mitzvah, or even a wedding, only you can judge what is realistic to spend given your budget, your wishes, and what is acceptable in your community. Peer pressure can be tremendous in these situations, and in the case of parents hosting events in honor of their children, cutting back on expenses can feel wrong and selfish. But hosts often overspend to the point that they no longer get any joy out of the event, or worse, wind up resenting the guests or even their own children who they were trying to please in the first place. The secret to planning a meaningful celebration is to focus on the meaning. While it’s true that an exclusive setting and fancy catering service can make a party unforgettable, so can heartfelt speeches, ceremonies to honor deceased relatives, and well-thought-out charity projects tied to the event. If you still feel that you really want all of the best of the best at your event, think about keeping the guest list small. The intimacy at the party will add to the classy atmosphere, and you can plan several smaller or more modest celebrations for the guests you don’t invite-perhaps catering a casual breakfast or toast for your work friends and sponsoring a kiddush in your synagogue one Shabbat. Large synagogues often put out a spread after services in any case-check with your events coordinator to see if they’re willing to accept a donation, beef up the spread a bit, and make an announcement that the kiddush was sponsored in honor of your event. Both your work friends and your fellow synagogue members will appreciate the gestures and may even feel relieved that they can share in your joy without feeling obligated to bring a gift.

Gift Giving that Won’t Put You in the Red

This issue is a no-brainer. Instead of writing a check, bring a gift. For much less than the amount that you would feel obligated to give, you can find something special and meaningful. For weddings, the possibilities are endless-Shabbat candle holders with a matching Kiddush cup, a handmade mezuzah, or a Hebrew blessing for the home to hang on the wall. If you like the idea of giving Judaica, but are not 100% comfortable with assuming that the couple will use it or enjoy it-consider a piece of handmade art that was created in Israel. The folk art of Israel often incorporates Jewish symbols, such as pomegranates, which give the piece a Judaic flavor but not necessarily a religious one. Israel has many innovative artists who work in media that is fresh and interesting, such as recycled newspaper. The couple will probably appreciate the connection to Israel, and if they don’t, they’ll certainly appreciate the original piece of art with which to start their marital collection.

Bar Mitzvah gifts can be a little more difficult-books are a nice choice, but the bar mitzvahs are often presented with one or two as part of their ceremony, so you should be careful not to go for the obvious choices. There are many modern books of questions and answers about Judaism, books on the establishment of the state of Israel or the heroism of the Six Day War-try and think of a topic that relates to the boy’s interests. A set of knitted or suede (and now eco-friendly suede) kippot (yalmulkes) is a nice option-Jewish men say you can’t have too many.

Shabbat candlesticks make great Bat Mitzvah gifts, as do almost any other Judaic items. Stay away from the heavy silver stuff (she probably got enough of that from her Bubbe) and think young and hip-ceramic or even glass has a less traditional feel than silver, and an interesting pair of candlesticks will look great in her room now, even if she doesn’t actually start lighting them for another ten years. Jewelry is another can’t-go-wrong option, and the selection is endless. You don’t necessarily have to go for a Star of David pendant-think about a hamsah, or a pomegranate, or maybe a kabbalistic charm. Kabbalah jewelry is still all the rage. Jewelry designer Maayan Pariente makes pendant necklaces with charms adorned with beautifully-appropriate sentiments for a 13-year-old girl, such as the kabbalistic letter combinations for “unconditional love”, “marvel”, or “purity”. If you’re concerned that she’ll get a lot of Judaic jewelry, consider a non-Judaic piece made by an Israeli artist-there are plenty of great options, some for under $30-try Dikla Meri for a wide range of styles.

Bar and Bat Mitvah celebrations are often tied to a tikkun olam project (literally, a project that “repairs the world”). In preparation of their ritual coming of age ceremonies, kids often embark on year-long efforts to collect donations for charitable organizations, or raise awareness about issues they find important. Making a donation to the respective cause in honor of the bar or bat mitzvah is always a special gift. You are of course not only contributing to the cause, but to the bar or bat mitzvah’s path toward his or her adult responsibilities as a Jew. In most cases the amount of your donation is not revealed to the honoree, and you should give at level on which you feel able and comfortable.

No one said that living a Jewish life is easy, but a few creative decisions can help make it at least slightly less expensive, and perhaps even a bit more meaningful.

Sharon Geva is a writer living in Beit Hashmonai, Israel with her husband and three sons. She is the owner of http://www.shopisraelart.com/, an online store selling handmade art, jewelry, and judaica made in Israel.

Although the stereotype of homemakers sitting on the couch and eating bon-bons mid afternoon seems to prevail no matter how loud we homemaker’s protest- well, you and I know that just isn’t the case. Most days we homemakers hit the ground running. Living with two pre-school aged children lives little room for leisure and luxury. After some time spent carving out my routines and habits I have found a few keys to happiness and efficiency in homemaking. I even find myself stealing a few moments of leisure and luxury as a result.

Here are 8 things that make my days at home pleasant and productive:

I Get Dressed

Ok, let me explain. It is not as though I have ever taken the kids to school in my birthday suit, I am talking about getting dressed, combing my hair and applying lipstick. For a while after I became a mom and homemaker, I would wake and simply tie my hair in a pony tail. I would hardly change out of my pajamas and baggy pants and a sweatshirt became my homemaker’s uniform. It wasn’t long before I realized is a no bueno habit. Not exactly how to explain this phenomena but my days are far more cheerful if I don’t feel frumpy, unkempt and as though I am 15 years older than I am.

Wake Up 20 Minutes Before the Kids

One of the ways I accomplish getting dressed is I wake up 20 minutes before anyone else in the house. Although some mornings I must drag myself from the bed however I am always pleased I do. Those few minutes of silence allow me to collect my thoughts and prepare for the day ahead. It is amazing what one can accomplish in 20 minutes. When the kids wake, I am dressed and usually smiling, the lunches are made, and breakfast is on the table. As the kids sit at the table for breakfast, so do I. I have a few moments to enjoy a cup of coffee and conversation before the morning schedule shifts into action.

I Clean as I Go

Some chores I really loathe. The more I procrastinate the more the grime builds up and the less appealing these chores are to complete. The bathroom in general is the room I hesitate most to clean. I find if I clean as I go, the overall cleaning session is reduced by half and is never as daunting as it could be. For example, the bathroom sink is a great clean as you go candidate. Dirty little hands seem to always mess up any of my efforts to keep the sink clean. In the morning and also in the evening while I brush my teeth, I do a quick wipe down of the sink with a washcloth. Voila, no more hideous sink grime build up.

Involve the Kids in Chores

In our house, everyone shares the duty of housekeeping. This is a truism simply because everyone shares the enjoyable job of messing the house up. When the kids help out, together we get the house tidy pretty quick while chatting and spending time together. Great chores for the kids include: sweeping the patio, folding washcloths and towels, putting silverware away from the dishwasher, weeding in the garden, and certainly maintaining tidiness in their rooms.

Organize Toys and Confine Them to Certain Places in the House

That old adage, everything in its place is an adage used in our home frequently. I am not keen on toys scattered through my home-I do not want to feel as though I live in a preschool. Nor do I favor that constant state of chaos and fear that I could trip and fall on a toy and seriously harm myself. We maintain a rule that toys must return to kid’s rooms when they are finished playing with them. We have baskets for easy pick ups. This is a no-negotiation rule.

Menu Plan for the Week Ahead

Organize the dinner menu for the week ahead and you will be surprised at how much time this saves. In fact, Sunday is reserved for time spent menu planning & grocery shopping. Most Sundays, I find I can do a lot of prep work for upcoming meals. Putting the kids to work washing vegetables and organizing them in Tupperware containers is a great task that also encourages good eating habits because the kids are involved with the cooking process.

Plan a Date With Your Husband at Home

Getting a babysitter is sometimes unrealistic. My husband and I love this routine. We do have a strong habit of dining together in my family however, once a week I make the kids favorite kid food for dinner. My husband and I sit that dinner out. After bedtime, my husband and I open a bottle of wine and begin cooking a great meal by candlelight. We have uninterrupted adult conversation with dashes of romance.

Send the Kids Out to Play

Sunny days are simply a gift in my book because the kids love to play in the backyard. About mid-afternoon is when I just send them outside to dig in the dirt and I sit on the patio with a cup of tea and flip through a magazine.

Shelly Phegley is a staff writer for the Family and Marriage Counseling Directory located at http://www.counsel-search.com